Sunday, April 26, 2009

Ode




Squidgy had to be put down yesterday. He had tumors and a lot of blood issues that we weren't really aware of. Over the last two weeks, he had been spending all of his time in the laundry room on the washing machine or in the dryer. Mar found him in a pretty bad way yesterday and decided to take him to the vet. We both knew he didn't seem to be doing very well, but thought he just needed some medicine. So it was a shock to find out how bad of a situation he was in.
Squidgy and I didn't really get along very well most of the time (and that's an understatement). He woke me up all the time, peed on my stuff, and cried this awful scream that sounded like a human baby. But I've been really bummed out since he died, and there's two main reasons. One, I've lived with him for nearly five years. When anything or anyone that substantial becomes part of your routine for that long, there's a drastic change in the atmosphere when it's gone. Our house feels different now, even if it's quieter and dryer. Two, it's difficult for me to think about how something so relatively simple as a cat's body can become so diseased. It's obviously more tragic when a person dies of disease, but I think I've become almost immune to the idea of people contracting diseases because you hear about it happening so often. When it happens to a cat and you actually consider what's going on inside their bodies, it just seems very grotesque and upsetting.
Like I said, I didn't really have a lot of good times with Squidgy. But even though he was my nemesis, sometimes when I would lie on the couch to watch TV, he would lie on my chest and it was really comfortable and nice. Then he would stand up and push his front paws under my ribcage, and it drove me nuts. Regardless, I'm sad he's gone and wish he was still here.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Life Would Be a Lot Better If I Hadn't Lost My Jazz June Hoodie.

Last night, I retrieved and iPod-ed these:

Empire State Games - S/T
Mineral - The Power of Failing, Endserenading
Six Going On Seven - Heartbreak's Got Backbeat
King For A Day - Before I Go
The Jazz June - Breakdance Suburbia, They Love Those Who Make The Music
Boy Sets Fire - The Day The Sun Went Out
Knapsack - This Conversation Is Ending Starting Right Now
Christie Front Drive - Anthology
The First Crush Comp.
Texas Is The Reason - Do You Know Who You Are?, EP, split w/ Promise Ring
The Promise Ring - Discography
The Casket Lottery - Discography
The Enkindels - Buzzclip 2000, Can't Stop The Enkindels, Who Here Wants To Fight?
Initial Records Samplers #1 & #2
Small Brown Bike - Collection, Our Own Wars, Dead Reckoning, The River Bed

I know it shouldn't seem like a big deal that I listened to these things, but I haven't heard most of this stuff since around 2002. And I was surprised that some of it held up so well, and ashamed that I'd turned my back on it because I had felt like it was dated, especially when I consider how good it feels to listen to a lot of these albums. Some of it ("Fors," several Casket Lottery songs, all of Heartbreak's Got Backbeat,) sounds better than it did nearly ten years ago. For me, nostalgia tends to be a slippery slope. But lately, it feels a bit more earned and I've allowed myself to indulge in it. So in the near future, you can probably expect the following from me:

- sullenness/sulking
- dramatic relationships
- constant and unwarranted feelings of alienation
- weenie haircut
- poetry

I'd also forgotten how much I loved Small Brown Bike. I had a moment when listening to "Make This A Holliday" where I was able to more vividly remember them playing it at the bowling alley in Lansing for the Dead Reckoning release show. Generally, when I think of that show, it's mostly vague; I think of free bowling and how great the lineup was (SBB, Casket Lottery, Cursive). But when they played "Holliday," it was insane! I'll save the attempt at trying to describe what it was like, because it won't do justice. But it has to be one of the most awesome, transcendent moments I've been a part of at a show.

Anyways, it would be nice to continue to not only have specific memories attached to this stuff, but also to hear it for what it is.